Planning for Chaos

torment(Originally posted on October 10, 2013.)

I use to map out my entire week in my little two page per day planner knowing that I may have to rearrange a few little things here and there during the week. Yes, I was irritated anytime I had to flip the pencil to use the eraser but I made my tiny changes and went on with my days. Then something strange happened. I don’t quite understand what it was but my whole world seemed to spiral into complete chaos around me and my planner was suddenly useless. Sure, I tried to make it work but I was spending way too much of my hard earned money buying pack after pack of those replacement erasers for my mechanical pencils. Maybe I should have used ink and apologized when someone tried to ruin my plan. (“Sorry! That’s not what the book says and I can’t change it!”)

I’ve denied my OCD affliction for many years. We’ll not completely. I use to admit that I was “a tiny bit OCD about certain things.” Yep, that’s full blown denial! I realize now that I’ve got it bad.

Every week, I sit down with that darn book and plan everything out days in advance… and every week I ultimately toss it aside within three days. This week is no different. Last night I learned that the love of my life is flying back from Los Angeles early and will be here today. This bit of news renders my plan worthless for home and the office for the rest of the week. We also have a three year old who will have to alter his routine (’cause HE actually has one) to take the two hour drive to the airport with me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love this man with all my heart and I’m thrilled that he will be home early. It just blows my schedule away on yet another week that I vowed to keep it in tact. I do believe this is week number twenty-three since I was hospitalized with a very serious illness and things just never got back on track.

I have decided to embrace the chaos and shove that planner deep into the bottom drawer of my desk. I will expect chaos. I will plan for it. I will move from day to day not knowing what’s for dinner tomorrow. I will leave the closet door open in the bedroom. I will be deliberately spontaneous!

Who am I kidding? I’ll be a wreck! I’ll try to plan! I’ll freak out! And you will get to watch from a distance as I unravel…

Do you plan everything? …some things? …or fly by the seat of your pants?

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